don't call the Queen fat

Just a quick and short post about an old and rather hilarious incident between Queen Aliya and Lidia Ivanova...

Lidia Ivanova proudly wrote in her memoir that she once called the mighty Aliya Mustafina fat. And when the conversation in question wasn't going like she wanted it to (surprisingly), she proceeded to insult the Queen's sacred bitchface. How she's still alive after offending My Tsaritsa, I don't know.

This Bitch

A Look into the Near Future of Russian Gymnastics with Andrei Rodionenko

An anon sent me this interview, and someone asked if I could translate it. It was actually conducted a few weeks before the Russian Championships and mostly focuses on the controversial replacement of Leonid Arkayev with Sergei Zelikson, but there are a few questions about the national team. I'll go over the Mordovia part rather quickly paraphrasing the interview and concentrate on what he says about the Russian and European Championships. 

I'll also add some other interviews that he did recently to the end of this post. Spoiler: He disagrees with Valentina about the European team. According to him, it isn't even named yet and won't be for another month.

Russian Championships 2017: Your regularly scheduled "everyone is injured or dying" -pre-competition update

Russian sports journalist Natalia Kalugina wrote a facebook post about the Russian team ahead of the National Championships, taking place in just a few days, and as usual with Team Russia, the situation is nothing short of dystopian.

That's it. The cycle has ended. Another began. On Tuesday the team will leave for Russian Championships in Kazan. Almost none the Olympians will compete at the start of the new season. Head coach Andrei Rodionenko softly says: "And what did you expect? Olympic Games - that's the way it is, right?"

Finally some wise words from A-Rod.

Kalugina only mentioned the men's team in her original post, but in the comments someone asked about the women and she didn't have much good to say. To her it seems that the burden of leadership has fallen upon Angelina Melnikova. Seda Tutkhalyan is somewhere up there with her, but Daria Spiridonova has not yet recovered from the Olympics. Natalia Kapitonova is in the middle of a growth spurt, and [her coach] Starkin is currently trying to figure out how to adjust her routines and technique accordingly. Elena Eremina has some very bad (but unspecified) health issues. In any case, she'll miss the first half of the season. This is a bit surprising, since we just saw Lena training as usual, and she also posted a picture of herself on her way to Kazan. We have no official word on any health issues, where did this come from??? I really don't know whether or not to believe Kalugina on this one, we will see on Wednesday. If it's true, it's going to be very bad news for the team this year.

The only ones still alive.

Round Lake Update

There was a new interview with Valentina Rodionenko, published today, and it actually had a tiny bit of real insight instead of her usual ramblings.

First she discusses their outstanding success at the Olympics (okay...) with the interviewer and how she accurately predicted their good results (okay...). Then she goes all soft and mushy thanking everyone on the team about their hard work. This is the most human she has been since bursting into tears when she heard that the team could actually compete in Rio after the threat of a blanket ban. She also mentions that 2017 is a chance for the gymnasts to show their individual capabilities, but the goal of 2018 is clear, qualification for Tokyo. They're building the team with that in mind.

But then it gets more interesting.

The Most Glamorous of Them All

Mirror, mirror on the wall...

Aliya Mustafina was selected as Glamour Russia's Sports(wo)man of the Year 2016 and managed to look positively glamorous in their photoshoot. Some anon once sent me a message stating that Aliya is like a phoenix, rising from the ashes time and again. I couldn't think of a better comparison (a cat with nine lives?) and that dress reminded me of it. It has ashes and flames for our phoenix. And the neckline reminds me of some old Soviet leotards. Considering that Russian gymnastics rose from those ashes, it's strangely fitting too.

"They say that in the gym, I'm a diva."

Aliya Mustafina: Master of Sports -Interview

Queen Aliya graced a Russian radio show with her presence yesterday, they also videotaped the interview so you can watch it here, it's a long one.

She's really shy and it makes her a bit awkward in a quiet and pensive way. It's adorable. And I'm really jealous of that, because I too am extremely shy, but instead of being awkward in a quiet and pensive way I'm "Chandler". I talk nervously to fill the silence, I say anything and everything that pops into my head and then immediately regret it and start cracking bad jokes to break the ice. It's terrible. When I say something really stupid, people just stare at me like I'm crazy (probably because I am crazy), and that happened twice today. It's the worst thing ever.

But I ventured completely off topic, as usual.

They discuss Aliya's career, what growing up in gymnastics is like, what daily life in Round Lake is and how she supports her younger teammates. Aliya's "bad temper" also comes up, naturally... She says she wishes to continue in gymnastics and the poor unworthy interviewer asks/suggests about becoming uneven bars specialist. The Queen is an all arounder, end of story.

The hacking comes up briefly, I don't think Aliya really even commented on it, but they discuss the success of USA. Aliya says they have a lot of kids doing gymnastics, they are very strong and have difficult programmes, but lack beauty, the training is different. They then mention Valeri Liukin's promotion and consider it, because Nastia was a very beautiful gymnast. They also discuss gymnasts/coaches leaving Russia.

They then talk about the Olympic infrastructure in Rio, Olympic Village, food and living conditions. Aliya didn't think were any notable problems, at least for the gymnasts.

They obviously discuss injuries and relationships with coaches,  a lot about Aliya's relationship with Aleksandrov.

I don't understand much about the rest, I'll post a translation of the interview if I find one.

Viktoria Komova - I'm Tired of the Pain

A Voronezh news agency RIA Voronezh  interviewed Viktoria Komova (link). And it's heartbreaking, like every interview of Vika.

Viktoria Komova, a gymnast from Voronezh, two-time 2012 Olympic silver medalist, multiple World and European champion, will miss the Olympics because of an injury. Viktoria spoke with a RIA Voronezh correspondent about coming to terms with her circumstances, what treatments she's having and how she'll be rooting for her friends. 

One of the best gymnasts in the world misses the main event of the quadrennium. How did you make the difficult decision not to go? 

It was 4 weeks before the Olympics and I realized that I can't do anything. There was constant pain in my back and it blocked all emotions and feelings. I was so afraid of training, you never know what kind of strain you're going to be under, but I went on. I wanted to be honest, I went to the coaches and said that I didn't want to fail anyone or be deceitful, I had no right to go to the Olympics, perform poorly and let the team down. They asked if there really wasn't anything I could do. When I told everyone about it, I wasn't even crying, there were no more tears. I was just tired of the pain.

But what did he MEAN?

Andrei Rodionenko, the head of Russian artistic gymnastics gave an interview and made sure to remind us that the current team isn't final. They're still waiting to see what Afan has to show. 

So my question is... Why is it that poor Princess Tut never actually makes the team? She is always on the verge of making a team, either waiting for someone else to magically heal or being an alternate/team member/alternate again with 3 other girls. I can't imagine this helping her already questionable mental game at the competition.

I swear this post was supposed to be a semi-legitimate translation of this interview with Andrei Rodionenko. But it was just more fun translating what he meant to say, instead of what he said. So here you go.

How difficult was it for you to choose the composition of the Olympic team and what role did the Russian Cup play in it? 

What Andrei said: This team composition is only nominative and there may be changes. There are gymnasts who are not yet ready after an injury, so it's premature to talk about the final composition of the team.

What Andrei meant: lol. Why would you think that we even have a team. Everyone is injured. Aliya is our Queen and she will make the team if she can walk (with crutches) but no one else is in the team until we announce it 2 seconds before the competition begins. It is the Russian way. Don't question it.

Viktoria Komova vs. Phoebe Buffay

Vika, My Princessa returned to her home gym in Voronezh (How pretty is that gym? I keep admiring it every time they show it. So much light and air...) before the Russian Cup and answered some questions about her current injury and future in gymnastics. I seriously feel like she's me in another life. A perfectionist who fails because of their perfectionism. A perfectionist who has achieved a lot but is proud of none of it, because it wasn't enough. Because a lot to someone else meant nothing for them, because they think they were capable of so much more. Anyone else belong to this particular miserable club of people who are both under- and overachievers at the same time? Just me and Vika? Okay then. We'll let the rest of you continue your happy life.

Sorry about that rant, I lied. We won't let you continue your happy lives, because first, Viktoria Komova needs to break your heart just a little bit.

Starkin vs. Vaitsehovskaya

Sport-Express had another interesting article from Elena Vaitsehovskaya, this time an interview with Aliya Mustafina's (and Ablyazin's) coach, Sergei Starkin. She was not terribly impressed by Aliya's performance in Euros, especially on bars. They also talk about her injuries, upgrades and former motivational issues. Here are the bits concerning Aliya.

Last season you started working with Aliya Mustafina, who had always been considered a team player and a tough competitor. But my impression is, after becoming Olympic champion in London, she just never found a good enough reason to keep going. Has that changed. 

Yes, and very noticeably. I think it happened after Glasgow Championship. It is my subjective opinion, but during that competition Aliya realized that she still wants to be there for the team, to not only be willing to help but also to be able to do that. In other words, she thoroughly evaluated her abilities. 

Is it easier to work with her after that? 

Yes. I think we reached the mutual understanding. As I already said elsewhere, if the coach sets unreasonable goals for the athlete and pushes him too much, only considering his own perspective on training, this will lead to struggle. In a situation like this the athlete will first resist this regimen and then both sides will start to complain. It is completely different from working when you are at ease, when there is a psychological comfort there. Do you get what I’m trying to say?

Not really. 

I’ll explain. The gymnast always feels when he is not able to meet expectations of the coach. 

Is not able to or does not want to? 

No one knows this for sure, unless the they say it. Technically, if someone is always on time at the gym and does what he’s asked to, what can you blame him for? The lack of trust can be very hurtful. For a while the athlete might tolerate this, but then he’ll just leave. I’m not talking about Mustafina now, just the issue overall. But I’m glad that me and Aliya did not have to go through it.

Aliya in Marie Claire

Aliya Mustafina was in the Russian Marie Claire in an article featuring some Russian Olympians. She looked absolutely gorgeous (as if she could look anything less than that) and answered a few questions about Rio and fashion. Nothing terribly interesting, but still worth a read.

For a twenty-one-year-old, Aliya has achieved outstanding success. She became the Olympic Champion on the uneven bars in London in 2012 (and in addition to that, won a silver and two bronze medals) and was chosen as the Athlete of the Year in Russia. 

Who is your favorite Olympic champion?
In artistic gymnastics, my favorite is American Nastia Liukin. From Russia, I like Zhenya Kanaeva. a I appreciate her both as a person and as an athlete. 

What first comes to mind when you hear the word "Rio"?
Patience. You have to endure a lot to get to compete there. I've competed abroad, but I've almost never seen the actual cities, so the city itself doesn't bring anything to mind.  

How do Olympic Champions differ from other athletes?
They don't, just a little bit more luck, and little bit more training and concentration. 

What do you think looks "smart"?
Dress and heels. But I usually wear sneakers and jeans. 

Do you think that sportswear can be sexy?
Of course. Like the leotards we wear. It all depends on how you look at it. If it fits the body/if you have the right body (I'm not sure what is the correct translation), it looks sexy. I think that you don't have to be provocative to look sexy. A more modest outfit accentuates the figure and makes a woman look attractive. Unfortunately I can't wear everything. For example, I can't zip up some dresses.  But I dream of a wedding dress from Dior, I think it will suit me.

Please don't trust my translation, my Russian sucks. I'll put the actual Russian text at the end of this post so you can read the original.

Euros 2016: The Aftermath

I was really exhausted after the European Championships, but now that I've taken some time to relax and rewind, why not have a recap of sorts.

The European Championships was obviously a big success for Russia. They won the most important title, team gold, which is very encouraging considering it's the Olympic year. 4 individual medals is not bad either, especially with the beam gold for Aliya. Russia has been hit hard this year with the doping scandal that just won't go away, so good news like this got a decent amount of media attention. The Russian Minister of Sports Vitaly Mutko didn't actually have anything to say about gymnastics itself, but managed to mention the Euros and how the Russians topped the medal standings with everyone passing their drug tests. Congrats team, the most important thing in the competition was that your pee was clear. Well, he did also say that he wanted to congratulate them and would stop by for a visit. I don't know if he dares though, remember when he visited Round Lake and this happened?

I'd be scared. That's what you get for trying to limit the Queen's reign to two Olympics.

Seda's Death Stare and Quest for Rio

It looks like Seda Tutkhalyan got in trouble. My best guess is that her death stare (the Soviet Gymnastics Bitchface is strong in this one) actually killed someone. What's disturbing is her shirt that says "Mickey made me do it". I'm pretty sure that's supposed to be "Aliya made me do it". Or actually, Valentina...

There is a profile of her on the Russian Olympic Committee webpage and it has plenty of pictures and quotes from past interviews. I'm paraphrasing her quotes here, my Russian is bad so sorry for any mistakes.

A collection of interviews with Valentina Rodionenko

Valentina Rodionenko gave several interviews concerning the Russian Championships and the team selection for European Championships and the Olympics. She actually made more sense than usual. Here's a recap of what she said:

Nellie Kim Explains Gymnastics

Nellie Kim, a former Soviet gymnast and the long-time President of the Women’s Technical Committee is one of the most important figures in women's gymnastics: she's basically HBIC, the right hand of Bruno Grandi and in charge of the judges. You can often see her at the most important meets, running from judge to judge and checking computer screens for reference when there's a problem.

She's still a Soviet Diva at heart, she's excellent and she knows it and controversy seems to follow her. She's also a bit like Svetlana Khorkina. She's a fiery and opinionated person who usually has a lot to say and it tends to be a bit controversial. And like Khorkina (and many, many other people), she seems to be at odds with the Rodionenkos and Russia's current national team management.

I posted this collection of quotes from Mrs Kim two years ago on my tumblr and it ended up being widely unpopular there, but it's still relevant and gets a lot of hits on google, so I'm going to post it here for archiving purposes.

Interview with Vika brings up the R Word

Viktoria Komova gave a tv interview in late January while training at home in Voronezh.

There's nothing new or surprising in it, but it touches the inevitable (and unthinkable): her impending retirement. Yes, the dreaded R word of gymnastics.

A Day at Round Lake with Vika and Dasha

Team Russia's main sponsor, VTB, has published a little feature on Viktoria Komova and Daria Spiridonova and their lives at the team's home base of Round Lake. It's probably the first of many this year (time for Rio, baby) and I'm already loving it, because I take any insight into their lives that I can get. Even if it is just a few meaningless words and a bunch of pictures that look like stock photos out of a school book for health studies. Or maybe Ikea catalogue?

Click here for the article and pictures.

And click read more for my bad translations and unnecessary commentary.

More curiosity bordering on insanity from Aliya's ask....pls don't drown in her eyes!

And yes, I'm insanely curious for reading through her ask.fm and compiling this clusterfuck of facts for you. But it was a request, I swear. I could never ignore a sincere request from another super fan.

Also, think about this, she's answered 1975 questions in just a few weeks! How determined is she to finish what she started? This time what she started by creating that account. Next time what she started by continuing gymnastics into the Rio quad. Maybe?

This post will also provide some evidence that Aliya is a Slytherin.

Aliya can throw away tea bags without dropping tea on floor! Also, she doesn't have a dishwasher.

I wouldn't be a true fan unless I took the opportunity to thoroughly go through Aliya's new ask.fm page (she has answered 757 questions in two days!!!). Because I'm nice, I thought I'd give you a summary of whats going on in the Russian side of crazy Aliya stanning.

So some of the things I learned:

• she fishes
• she thinks every sport is dangerous, except chess (go crazy chess fandom)
• when choosing a book, she reads first the title, then contents (exciting)
• her worst quality is being kind
• but she's also most proud of being kind
• she doesn't write poetry
• she eats after 6pm too
• she types fast with phone, but not on computer
• she doesn't look blogs (everyone sigh in relief)
• the point of "the master and margarita" is evil is not always bad
• you should ask the people she's kissed if she's a good kisser (duh)
• she likes to be called aliya, no diminutives
• it's not difficult for her to be a leader, she likes helping others
• she has talked to mannequins in a shop
• she takes criticism well and recognizes her own mistakes
• she didn't know that alligators eat their young and also isn't going to do so herself
• beliavsky is not gay
• her tattoo is for herself, the writing is a secret
• she sleeps on both sides of the bed
• she doesn't know which vault she'll do
• no red, white or purple balls on her christmas tree
• the difference in her weigh between now and competition season is 100000000 kg
• she doesn't listen to justin bieber or taylor swift
• she likes hunger games and has read it more than once
• the girls and guys have different dressing rooms and she hasn't spied on the guys
• she wants to go to dubai for vacation
• seda is sweet and kind
• nastia liukin speaks russian, but not perfectly
• she was never teased for her rare name
• she cooks a good omelet
• vika is her friend
• the best photograph of london is her hugging grebenkin after ub win
• her ability to dance on a 1-10 scale is -1
• she eats tangerines during winter
• there's chaos in her closet
• she doesn't care about her name being wrongly pronounced
• she doesn't like ears sticking out on a guy
• they can decide who they want to room with at Round Lake, but they stay in same rooms each camp
• her heart works without breaks and days off (sounds healthy)
• her knee still hurts
• she's never used a pay phone
• she communicates with gymnasts from other countries only on competitions
• her level of english out of 10 is 1
• she doesn't care about people drinking, unless it's constant
• she prefers l'one over metallica
• seda is tiny because her mother is tiny
• psychology over philosophy
• she has electric stove (yes, someone actually asked that :D)
• she can put used tea bag in the trash can without dropping tea on floor (yes, someone asked that too :D)
• she hates lying the most
• she doesn't have a selfie stick
• she'll probably stay working around sport in the future
• she's not musical
• she prefers parsley over dill
• she doesn't sing in the shower
• she prefers dry wine (like me, yay)
• she doesn't know how to fix a flat tire
• her key chain is a cow
• she likes chicken
• she doesn't know how to bake cakes
• she doesn't have a dishwasher (why do people ask these things?)
• she also posted this picture (but did not elaborate on what's going on):

Aliya verified the authenticity of this account via vk, so it's not one of the 100 fake ones out there.

Vika My Princessa - I have had and still keep having so many feels for ya

A little something for Throwback Thursday. I'm about to start playing the new expansion pack for Sims 4, so you'll probably never see me again.
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In a recent interview Viktoria Komova described the last few years as the hardest of her life. An endless cycle of training, getting injured and not competing. She lost the passion to train and quit several times, fought with Gennady Yelfimov, her coach since childhood, and broke off the partnership returning home to Voronezh. Her return to training and Round Lake happened after the head of the Russian team, Andrei Rodionenko, called and told her to return right away. I don't know what they discussed or how he got her to agree (maybe it was first just because her team needed her, maybe there was something more to it), but she returned, started training and eventually made up with Yelfimov.

She returned to competition this year successfully (at least in my mind), performing AA in European Games at Baku and winning a World title on uneven bars after an otherwise inconsistent competition in Glasgow. If she stays healthy (yeah right...), she'll have her former difficulty back by Rio. She's shown she can fight, now all she needs is confidence in herself.

After seeing the interview, I remembered a piece I wrote about Vika last year. She was in the middle of the funk she discussed during the interview and I was pretty pessimistic about her chances of return to competition. And I just thought it would be interesting to see what I wrote back then now that we know how this year went. There's also a link to the post on RRG that I was referencing.