Gymnastics and Zombie Attacks!

Long time and no posts, I knew this would happen. But last night I received an anonymous ask that inquired my plans for a zombie attack and I WAS PREPARED. Yes. So I decided to record my battle plan here too.

Here's the original ask:

What would happen if Aliya and Catalina were both leaders of armies and had to death-stare each other down to rule the world? And if you had to fight zombies and the floor was lava, who would you put on the beam with a laser-gun? (I say Carlotta Ferlito.)

My answer to the death stare question and a detailed plan on how to fight zombies in a lava and balance beam situation is after the break.

The battle between Aliya and Catalina would be fierce and filled with casualties, those stares cut far and deep. But Aliya would be the champion without a doubt. Her death stare is the best and so is her army, the Russians just have more great bitchfaces than the Romanians. So prepare for Aliyastan to take over Ponoria and the rest of the world, Aliya will make a fine dictator.

The zombie attack is a bit trickier, but it turns out I'm quite the strategist. First things first, thank god for the lava floor, because I can use that against zombies. Flavia Saraiva and Laura Jurca will be baits and enchant the zombies with their young brains and cute dance and lure the zombie army's main troops to the lava floor. Flavinha and Laura can just bounce into safety at the last moment.

The beam is a place for people who can actually stay there, so sadly that leaves me only Catalina and Aly. If a bunch of gymnasts fall down, the first ones will burn in the lava but the rest will start piling up and eventually take over the beam, so we can't have fallers (or human sacrifice) there. Cata and Aly will take out the derailed zombies with those laser guns.

Aliyastan and Ponoria must put their past differences aside because of the zombie attack, so Aliya will lead the laser gun forces at uneven bars. I will leave Vika home (obviously this is way too dangerous of an environment for her, lava and zombies and all), but Aliya will have rest of the numerous uneven bars gold medalists and about 100 Chinese gymnasts with 6.5+ bars routines under her command.

The American troops will be at the vault. The zombies can't keep up with the United States of Amanar and will tear their ACLs in pursuit of the American vaulters. Aliya's troops at uneven bars will take down the injured zombies at the vault landing mat with their laser guns.

Charlie's Angels AKA Svetlana Boginskaya, Oksana Chusovitina and Lilia Podkopayeva will airlift the victorious survivors out of the arena while investigator Nadia Comaneci (who's probably Charlie but we'll never know) finds out that Svetlana Khorkina was behind the zombie attack. She wanted to weed out the weak gymnasts and make the rest of them tougher.

Enjoy this pic of the Charlie's Angels (from Boginskaya's IG) and have a great December!

The original post from my tumblr.